Our Beloved Dog Evvy - R.P. Lauer

It happened again.

I started this writing over a month ago, but I got distracted and set it aside. I've thought about returning to it many times, but the difficulties in even thinking about this kept me from doing so. But it happened again, just a few hours ago, so I feel compelled to get back to it.

I'm going to be skirting some details here, simply because I do not want to put any animal lover through the imagery that is stuck in my own head. So if it sounds like something is missing anywhere throughout this post, most likely it is because of that. And please trust me, you don't want too much detail here if you love dogs. Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee that this won't be tough to read, even without those details; so maybe proceed with caution or just click away.

About 13 years ago, a friend of my wife had to get rid of her dog (puppy); a 1 year old Jack Russel Terrier. We took her in for a trial run, to see if this puppy would be safe to have around a newborn; our youngest child. Evvy was very hyper and playful, bouncing all around our house; but she was also very well behaved around our newborn. So of course we kept her. And here it is - 13 years, 3 states to call home, 5 addresses and a completely different coast later - and we still have her. But she is getting old now.

For the last several years, she has done this thing where she coughs and hacks, often times it lasts several minutes. Typically speaking, she just hacks something up, we clean it, and life moves on. It's been going on for a while, probably at least 3 years maybe? I couldn't really guess as to how often this happened. It's often enough that we have become used to it, but not enough that it seemed like a real problem; though in hindsight, we really should have had her checked out sooner.

Flash forward to early June, 2020. It happened around 2 AM; Evvy started hacking, like she does often enough. At this point in life, it was quite mundane, and even Evvy typically knew what to do. If it was bad, she would get off the bed and hack in a corner; she seemed to do better on the ground if the cough was particularly rough. Otherwise, she'd just get it out and go back to sleep. Meanwhile, my wife and I would just roll over and close our eyes. Which is exactly what I started to do. But there was something very wrong this time.

I won't go into the specifics, but there was an 'episode' which resulted in our dog, on the bed, limp and not moving. There was no measurable heartbeat of any kind, and no noticeable breathing at all; she also had emptied her bladder.

I had been the first to notice, and I was off the bed panicking. My wife was just sitting up in shock. We were both frozen at first. Then my wife reacted out of instinct; she grabbed the dog, took her to the ground and began giving chest compressions. She has taken several first aid courses over the years, including CPR, so she just did what her instinct told her might work.

There was no thought in any of this. I don't think there was any thought left to be had. But my wife just reacted. She struggled for what felt like forever, but may have been a minute? Two? Three? I don't know.

I don't remember all of the details, I only remember bits and pieces (and a lot of the details I do remember I'm withholding anyway). But at one point, my wife said that she (Evvy) wasn't breathing, and that there was no heartbeat. I also remember, after a good amount of time giving the chest compressions, my wife saying “I think she's gone”. Though she said that through the compressions, not giving up.

Finally, Evvy began to stir. Barely, but she did move slightly. Then a little more, and a little more. Eventually she was up on her feet, though uneasy.

After a few vet visits (and a few thousand dollars), we believe that what she has is a collapsing trachea. After that, it's a bit of a guessing game, and I get it; unless they can see it happen first hand, they can't properly diagnose. But it does suck not knowing for sure.

So a few guesses are:

When she coughs, sometimes a nerve or something may get touched or moved in just the right way, and that may send a signal to her heart causing it to stop. Or, it could be some sort of 'dead faint' where she appears to be gone, but really isn't; her heartbeat and breathing might be so faint that it cannot be detected without actual monitors.

After the first 'episode', she was put on a steroid which seemed to help; but steroids aren't a permanent solution. You can't keep taking them. So after that she was put on a cough suppressant and pain killer, which she still takes with every meal. Since that first 'episode', she's had about 5 more to varying degrees; in fact, the last one she had, which was about a month or two ago, was so small that she (Evvy) seemed to bring herself out of it on her own.

(Side note: now the last 'episode' was just a few hours ago, and it wasn't quite as small as the previous.)

She still coughs now and then, but usually not too much; though it does tend to cause everyone in the room to just freeze and stare at her. And every so often it gets downright terrible... Just today in fact (November 17, 2020), she was coughing pretty consistently for about an hour or two while I tried to write. It got so harsh that I thought for sure she was going to have another episode. She didn't, thank God. But I am unfortunately at a place where I'm almost waiting for something to happen. It's awful that I think like that, but I can't help it.

Every single time she hacks it makes my heart ache. And then when she has one of these 'spells', like this morning (December 19, 2020), I die a little inside, thinking that this could be the last. She is in good health overall, other than a slight thyroid imbalance which has been managed with a simple twice a day pill. But the pain and fear she clearly experiences while this happens (details withheld on purpose) is terrifying, and absolutely heartbreaking. All I can do is think about what inevitably will happen.

I don't mean to dwell on this, I really don't. In fact, I try very hard not to think about it. But it's simply impossible not to. I guess that all I can really do is try and focus on the years of loyalty and joy.

For right now, I really just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading.